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Grief Tonic

angel childGrief is serious, and right now there is a lot, sadly too much, going around.

When my father died, I woke up every day with a pain that felt like my front body had been torn off. Even as I stood, went to work, engaged in daily life, I felt doubled over, gripped with that wrenching, twisting, searing pain. Life was hallucinatory: pretending to be fine while a screaming ache ripped through my hollow insides.

Recently science has been able to demonstrate that the physical pain of grief is real. According to Scientific American, circuits of the cortical pain network become activated when you experience such deep loss. “Grief – in its most basic form – represents an alarm reaction set off by a deficit signal in the behavioural system underlying attachment,” writes psychology professor John Archer of the University of Central Lancashire in his book The Nature of Grief.

While your entire neurobiological system is trying to adjust to radically altered circumstances, naturally you don’t feel like eating. But you have to.

When we were grieving, my sister and I ate bananas and yogurt. This tonic is based on those two simple ingredients, plus a few everyday, enhancing foods. It is easy to fix up, and easy to sip, swallow and digest. It carries enough basic nutrition to keep you strong until you can stomach a proper meal, which itself should be cooked and highly digestible: hearty soups are best, or comfort foods like pb&j or rice pudding.

Sweet is the key taste, but not processed sugar. If you are doing the grocery shopping, focus on fresh fruits, dried dates and nuts, avocados, root vegetables, soups and grains that are easy to prepare, and foods high in protein, B vitamins and Omegas, like eggs or salmon.

Please resist the tendency to reach for pizza, pasta, frozen or microwaveable “convenience” foods, chips, cakes, cookies, muffins.  Frozen and microwaved food is biologically altered, and hard to metabolize. Your system right now needs easy. It has enough to do just trying to “digest” life. Feed yourself real food – nature’s own comforting convenience food – banana, avocado, apples, dates, pears, soft cheeses, soaked nuts, whole grains.

Grief Tonic
1-2 servings

1 ripe banana
1 cup apple juice
1 cup yogurt, preferably non-dairy: coconut, almond, your favorite
2 medjool dates
1 T maple syrup, optional
1 good shake cardamom
1/4 t nutmeg, freshly grated is best
1 pinch of pink, or sea salt

Blend well and serve at room temperature. Do not serve cold. Grief is cold enough.

In an 1843 letter to his second cousin, Reverend William Darwin Fox, Charles Darwin wrote, “Strong affections have always appeared to me, the most noble part of a man’s character and the absence of them an irreparable failure; you ought to console yourself with thinking that your grief is the necessary price for having been born with such feelings.”

angel and child

God Bless the Children, and all who suffer.
May you be embraced by a host of heavenly angels and carried to the light.
Our prayers are with you. 

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Your Kitchen

I am happy to have some friends here in the kitchen.
– Charles Olson

KITCHEN

Starting with the most basic thing, where you cook, Ayurveda suggests the kitchen be in the Southeast corner of the house, with plenty of natural light and a pretty view so you are happy as you prepare your meals. If you are like most of us, living in a house that has already been built, but the kitchen is not in the southeast corner, try painting it red or orange to invoke fire power.

De-clutter it so you have space to create, visit with friends, dance and sing, and be sure to make it pretty. A beautiful kitchen supports beautiful food. Beautiful food makes a beautiful you. A beautiful you creates a beautiful life, and a beautiful life is a gift to the world. Paraphrasing Rumi, let the beauty you love be what you do and let it be alive in your kitchen!

SUPPLIES

In addition to the regular pots and pans, I use our Vitamix blender every day, but almost never use the food processor. It is too much fuss. A lemon juicer helps, but as with most tools, I find the old-fashioned, hand-held version simpler, more reliable and easier to clean than anything with a plug. Keeping a mortar and pestle around for pesto, sauces and spice mixtures offers muscular reward. A coffee grinder will do the trick with the spices, but it will never give you that rhythmic sensation of moving in spicy syncopated oneness that rewards the work of grinding by hand.

I like to always have cheesecloth available for making ghee and empty paper tea bags to fill with spices that I want to share. I only use measuring cups to determine amounts so that I can write up recipes, which is the only way I know how to respond to friends and clients who’ve asked, “How did you make that?” Otherwise, I have no use for measuring.

UTENSILS

Long ago, Swamini Mayatitananda recommended using hands, fingers, sight, sound and taste to determine amounts and I guess I just breathed a great sigh of relief upon hearing that. It may even have been the start of my own separate peace with the kitchen: the reclaiming of my own experience, of my own feminine wisdom, put to the service of love, nourishment, and the creative cycle of life.

So I recommend using fewer measuring utensils, in the hope that you will find a similar freedom, trust, creative expression, authenticity and empowerment by your own perfect measure and innate wisdom.

SUPPORT

We keep oils aplenty on hand – safflower, coconut, olive and sesame. Our spice cabinet has grown from three small shelves by the stove to include an additional long shelf in the pantry as well. In general, the spices you want to keep on hand for the recipes you will find here are: turmeric, cumin, coriander, clove, cinnamom, cardamom, nutmeg, fennel, mustard seeds, cayenne or red pepper, black pepper, sea salt, Himalayan salt and asafoetida, otherwise known as hing. I also like to have dill weed, basil, bay leaves, thyme, oregano, tarragon, anise, and fresh mint, rosemary and cilantro, too, as these are easy to grow at home.

You can purchase spice mixtures like Garam Masala, Curry, Quatre épices to get a number of these spices in one bottle, but it is never as good as it is freshly ground from the seed. Also, buy organic spices only ~ otherwise, they might be irradiated.

BASIC FOODS

Power foods and basics to look for at your market

Blueberries, Grapes, Pomegranate, Apple, Papaya or Mango, Cranberries, Oranges
Broccoli, Spinach, Mustard Greens, Collard Greens, Swiss Chard, Bok Choy,
Asparagus, Arugula, Celery, Cauliflower
Pumpkin, Sweet Potato, Parsnips, Fennel bulb, Carrots, Beets
Split Mung, Lentil, Cannelini, Flageolet + Peas and Favas especially when fresh
Basmati Rice, Oats, Amaranth, Buckwheat
Almonds, Pistachios, Pecans, Cashews, Pine Nuts
Pumpkin Seeds, Sunflower Seeds, Sesame Seeds, Flax Seeds, Chia Seeds
Coconut Milk, Yogurt
Cocoa Nibs, Maple Syrup, Dates
Cinnamon, Ginger, Fennel, Cardamom, Coriander, Cumin, Basil, Mint, Cilantro, Parsley, Mustard Seeds
Ghee, Coconut Oil, Virgin Olive Oil
Green Tea, Chai

BASIC RECIPES
Some of the staples of Ayurveda

DR. JAY APTE’S KICHARI

Dr. Jay Apte is a Doctor of Ayurvedic Medicine and Director of the Kerala Ayurveda Academy based in northern California. She is a charming teacher and a wonderful cook!

1 cup Basmati Rice
½ cup Split Mung
2 tbs Spicy Oil
1 tsp Sesame Seeds
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Ghee
1 tbs. Masala Spice
1 tbs. Coconut, flakes or shredded
1 sprig of Cilantro, chopped
4 cups boiling water

Rinse rice and mung in water and drain.  Sauté rice and mung in spicy oil for 3-4 minutes over medium flame. Add water, Masala, sesame seeds, and coconut.  Cook on medium heat until rice is almost cooked. Add ghee and salt.  Stir and cook for another few minutes on low heat. Garnish with cilantro and serve warm.

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JOHNNY BRANNIGAN’S KICHARI
from the fabulous Ayurveda Cookbook Eat, Taste, Heal

1 cup white basmati rice, rinsed thoroughly
1/3 cup split mung dhal beans, rinsed thoroughly
2 1/2 cups filtered water
1 zucchini, chopped
1 small sweet potato, peeled and chopped
2 tablespoons ghee (recipe below)
3 tablespoons shelled pumpkin seeds
2 tablespoons chopped scallions
2 teaspoons curry powder
2 tablespoons Bragg’s amino acids (optional)
1/2 cup organic coconut milk
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon maple syrup
Mineral Salt & fresh ground black pepper
Cilantro, for garnish
Ghee, for garnish

Put the rinsed rice and mung dahl in a saucepan and add 2 1/2 cups filtered water. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Add to the pan even layers of zucchini and sweet potato on top of the rice mixture. Cover the pan again and cook until the rice mixture has absorbed all the water, about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a sauté pan, heat the ghee over medium heat. Add the pumpkin seeds and scallions and cook, stirring, until the seeds turn light brown, about 4 minutes. Stir in the curry powder and then the Bragg’s until thoroughly combined. Stir in the coconut milk, lemon juice, and maple syrup and cook for 2 minutes more.

When the rice mixture is done, pour in the scallion mixture and stir to blend well. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Garnish with cilantro and ghee and serve immediately.

For a dairy-free version, replace the ghee with coconut oil or a high heat olive oil.

 
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SPICY OIL

1 cup Oil (canola/sunflower/vegetable)
2 tbs. Mustard seeds
1 tbs. Cumin seeds
1 tbs. Hing (asafoetida)
1 tbs. Turmeric

Heat the oil in a pan.  Add 2-3 mustard seeds to oil while heating. When the seeds begin to pop remove pan from heat, add the remaining seeds and cover.  When the seeds stop popping add cumin, hing and turmeric. Allow the oil to cool for 5 minutes, then pour it into a thick glass jar and store at room temperature.

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GHEE

1 lb. unsalted Butter

Heat the butter in a pot for about 15-20 minutes on medium heat. Once the ghee is transparent and there is a brown sediment on the bottom of the pan, it is ready. Remove from heat and allow to cool.  Strain through a stainless strainer or a cheesecloth into a thick glass jar.  Store at room temperature.

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APPLE CHUTNEY

1 Granny Smith Apple, diced
1 tbs. Salt
1 tbs. Jaggery (Sucanat)
½ tsp. chili powder
1-2 tbs. Spicy Oil

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl.  Use as condiment or as a sandwich spread.

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CUCUMBER RAITA

2 Cucumbers, peeled and chopped
1 medium Carrot, shredded
1 cup Yogurt, plain
1 tbs. Cilantro
Salt to taste
1 Jalapeno Pepper, sliced the long way, seeds removed

Mix all ingredients together except cilantro. Garnish with cilantro  and chili just before serving.

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OJAS RASAYANA

Click on Image for Print Version

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ojas rasyana